The 5 Best Places to Cry in Los Angeles
Now is the winter of our discontent. The Santa Ana winds blow dull days through our sprawling gray city, and the occasional blip of sunshine only serves to strengthen our collective yearning for a spring still so far out of reach. There are no groundhogs in LA, but I am sure that my next door neighbor’s chihuahua is barking because it has indeed glimpsed six more weeks of winter in its tiny shadow. The sun sets before my workday ends, and my increased caffeine intake has failed to pierce the thick marrow of exhaustion in my bones.
“What are you talking about?” my mom asks, calling from a wintery Dallas. A rare snowfall currently envelops her Texas city. “68° is not cold. And the weather app says it’s not even that windy there. Didn’t you go to the beach yesterday?”
My mom, of course, fails to understand that I am referring to an emotional wind as much as a physical one. Sure, the thermometer has yet to dip below 53°F. Sure, I am typing this from a bench at a park while wearing a t-shirt and shorts. Sure, birds sing overhead as children kick a soccer ball, yoga moms sunbathe, and a perfect blue sky frames the gently swaying palm trees. But winter, like many things in Los Angeles, is a state of mind. And my beach trip was not the carefree ocean dip of summer– it was an emotional pilgrimage. A good, old-fashioned, crying field trip. Less Barbie, more Portrait of a Lady on Fire.
The only thing worse than experiencing devastating emotions is lacking the setting to appropriately romanticize them. What good is a cry if you’re worried about the judgemental gazes of Taco Bell patrons, or greeted only by the gaping maw of your apartment toilet? Crying, like real estate, is about location, location, location. That is why, from the bottom of my heart, I present to you: The 5 Best Places to Cry in Los Angeles.
1. The Beach. We’ll get this out of the way first. As any Normandy vet or Moonlight viewer will tell you, the beach is the perfect location for a good sob. The godlike ocean invites you to surrender your salty tears to her endless mass, and the crashing waves create a meditative rhythm that easily trumps even the best “10 HR BINAURAL BEATS TO MANIFEST AND RELAX TO” playlist. I highly recommend finding a beach with a measure of solitude if you really want to purge some tears– Venice or Santa Moncia by the pier will only serve to distract you from your mission. Will Rogers, Lechuza, or (if you’re willing to drive) Ventura are much more effective. Remember to bring a sweater, so you have something to wrap around your shoulders as you let out a final melancholy sigh to the watery sunset.
2. The Abandoned Zoo at Griffith Park. Do you feel like a ravenous, wild animal? Do you yearn to gaze at the cage which once trapped you, now falling to ruin under wild weeds and tourist footsteps? Look no further than the Old Zoo at Griffith Park. Once a hotbed of Angeleno tourism and animal cruelty, this series of manmade caverns is now solely populated by hipsters and squirrels. If you explore at the right time of year, you might even happen upon a free Shakespeare performance, punk rock concert, or a
secret clown gathering (all things I’ve personally witnessed at this location). This place is equal parts campy and mysterious, and I promise no one will even think to judge you if you choose to let out a good cry. They’ll probably assume you’re part of a performance piece anyway.
3. The Bed You Share With Your Ex. What better way to celebrate being a lesbian in Los Angeles than embracing the consequences of U-Hauling? This location is the ideal cry-spot to add emotional stakes to your breakdown. Better make sure you keep your weeping quiet, so you don’t wake your former lover! There’s truly nothing like mourning the passage of time, the fleeting nature of love, and the indignant pain of rewriting your future, than doing so inches from the sleeping embodiment of your lost hopes and dreams. Bonus points if you manage to time your sobs with their snores.
4. The Drive-Thru line of the Hollywood In-N-Out on Sunset Blvd. I can confirm from personal experience that there is not a single minute of this location’s operating hours that the drive-thru line does not extend out of the parking lot and onto the street, often around an additional corner. The employees attend this constant stream of cars with the meticulous dedication of so many naval officers. This sets the stage for the ideal car cry– 20+ minutes to pule in your prius minus the risks of the road or the gas-wasting guilt of idling in a parking spot. Plus, you get a delicious meal or tasty milkshake at the end of your journey. Have a sip, dry your eyes, and return to your day– no one will know you just embarked on a mini crycation.
5. A Community-Forward Queer Space. LGBTQ+ community resources and spaces in LA are expanding every day. Whether it’s the newly-opened Fan Girl Café coffee shop, The Ruby Fruit wine bar, Honey’s club, or even the LA LGBT center waiting room, LA offers many options of locales to cry among the queers. At a normal coffee shop, patrons might not understand what the big deal is about discovering a new playlist on your ex’s spotify. But at these gay places (gayces) you’re sure to be met with a knowing glance, a soft smile, or maybe even a free drink. Don’t be afraid to utilize crisis resources if you need, including the Trevor Project Lifeline: (800) 788-7386, TransLifeline: (877) 565-8860, or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for the LGBTQ+Community: (800) 273-8255. Dating can be an adventure, but it is the platonic, familialcommunity we build as queer people that truly allows us to thrive. If your pain runsdeeper than what a good cry can fix, please remember you are not alone. There arepeople and programs ready to help. The future of our community lies in our ability toshow up for each other, in every state. So don’t be afraid to accept the support of yourqueer elders and peers– even if it means shedding a couple tears.