Dear Kay,

If I had nine lives, I still wouldn't be able to write this letter in the way I want to. You mean

a lot to me, and I can't express it fully through words. Even just saying “you mean a lot to me” doesn't feel right. I feel the way I feel about you through places and memories and thoughts, not words. I do really want to try and tell you through words because I, unfortunately, cannot beam you into my brain and show you a memory collage. This letter will have to do.

As a little 5th grader, I had no idea what was coming when you came up to me that day.

 We had talked before, but never really talked. To be honest, I thought you were way out of my league. I felt like I was such a nerd, but I guess that reputation of mine was the reason why you came up to me. You knew I loved to read, so you recommended a book series you loved. And who knew what an impact that would have, in more ways than one! I'm almost 100% sure those books permanently altered my brain chemistry in some way. That one conversation opened the door to years of love and friendship. 

Now, it feels like I see you in everything. Thinking about our recess roleplay still makes 

me smile and laugh. Even though our plots were complete rip-offs from the books, they felt completely original and new to me because of the life we brought into it. Last week, I rediscovered the original SAS squad edit we made. It looks so awful, but I remember how much fun we had deciding on our food code names and playing trashy car games during class. I remember how happy it made me reconnecting with you after a year of online school. During that year, it felt like I was missing a fundamental piece of my heart. And now, over the past few years, I'm really realizing how much we've grown up together. I don't know for sure what my life would look like if we'd never become friends, but I can say with certainty that I would be worse off if we hadn't.

 I've become a better person because of you. I feel confident when I'm around you. 

I feel safe when I'm around you. I feel loved when I'm around you. You have this “do no harm, but take no shit” energy that I really admire. You really have a way with others, of making them feel comfortable, getting them to open up. You're someone who can talk about their goals and dreams, and no matter how small or how grand they are, I fully believe that you'll get it done. You have so many lovely complexities: I feel like you're someone who you can never quite know all the way, but that not knowing makes someone love you all the more. 

I've gotten to the point in this letter where writing any more is making me cry. 

Not a bad thing, especially since they're happy tears, but I feel like that means I've come to a conclusion.I love you. I'm incredibly lucky to have you in my life. I hope we continue to be in each other's lives for years to come. You’ve had an indescribable impact on who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. Whether we're friends for the rest of our lives, or drift apart after we graduate, our friendship will always be one of my fondest memories. 

💛