Beyond Sam K
As the clock strikes 10:00 pm on a November evening, I walk into Sam K’s studio to find her disgruntled at the state of her new birthday party dress. “Something isn’t right,” she decides. Her solution? She’ll wear the dress backwards; it’s better that way.
Sam Klegerman is a renowned photographer, model, creative director, author, and social media influencer. With over 36K instagram followers, Sam has shot swim weeks, posed for magazines, and published a best selling book all before the age of 26 years old. As a teenager, she traveled around the world shooting for gigantic companies like Playboy and Pacsun, and nowadays, she spends her time creating with high-end brands like Skims and Guess. Whether you follow her online or have had the privilege of meeting her in real life, it’s clear that no one lights up a room like Sam. Frankly, no one would know this more than me, because I am lucky enough to call her my best friend.
Because of my uniquely fortunate position, I see sides of Sam K that are not showcased as much to the public; I am excited to have this opportunity to give current and future Sam K fanatics the inside scoop.
I love to see her gleam when strangers recognize and express how they have been impacted by her; but I find even more joy when she calls me to update her five year plan on how a Hannah Montana Tour could solve the economy (a project which is extremely underwraps, sorry, Fruitslice readers). I cherish the Sam K that calls me in the middle of the night when she has a bad dream.
Growing up transgender in conservative Orange County, Sam has thrived despite the laborious enmities that she has had to combat throughout her entire existence. Despite the antagonistic surroundings, she found success early. When she was 14 years old, the head of Brandy Mellvielle saw the photographs she was posting on Instagram and invited her to be the first content creator ever to shoot for them. I asked her if she remembered the first photo that made her realize her destiny.
“I took a photo of my friend holding a candle in the gutter across the street from my house. We would all go there to take pictures. To me, that was the golden ticket – the exposure that photo got is why I do what I do today. I felt how cool it was that I got to express myself through that medium, and I knew then that this was how I wanted to make shit happen. It felt like I was going to a movie premiere that I knew was going to be a blockbuster. I knew it was gonna be a hit and I was just stoked to be in the room.”
From the first moment I met Sam, one thing was clear: Here is a girl who has a dream and makes it happen with heart and ferocity. In any capacity, it’s clear that Sam has progressed in and out of her field with extreme poise. Unbeknownst to me, there were moments along the way when Sam questioned her chosen path.
“Photography has the potential to get extremely one dimensional very quickly unless you infuse your own personality and life into your pictures. It can get boring if you’re only doing it for a check, and I went from doing it exclusively as an art form to being compensated. I look back on the photos I took before I was getting paid and I still see how phenomenal they are. But there are lulls in between the moments of working as much as I do when I sit back and think about what would happen if I never took another photo. It’s a question that always comes up in jobs where you’re self employed and self motivated. This job only works if you do, there’s a lot of give and take.”
While success has been constant, new heights provide new challenges and anxieties. For the first portion of Sam’s career, she stuck to shooting products and models for brands that were lucky enough to hire her. However, nowadays, Sam has been creating more content from in front of the camera. Using herself as a vessel for her art has proved to be a bit more challenging than one would guess.
“One day I woke up and thought, wait, I’m equally important to one dimensional images that I’m putting out for a brand. I deserve to be looked at as much if not more than those photos. I’ve been posting more photos of myself, turning the camera towards me and allowing other people to press the button. What people don’t really understand is I'm visually styling every photo that I'm in, even if I don't take the picture. When I post, I definitely put a lot of stress on my body for no reason. There’s an internal conversation that happens before I make it a public conversation. But more recently, it feels like I’m sending a baby bird out of the nest. If it flies, it flies, and if it doesn’t, I know that I gave it wings and at the end of the day, I still fly no matter what.”
I asked Sam what keeps her flying.
Note: Sam K formulates sentences as beautifully and as fast as a heart pumps blood through a body. However, this is the only question in our entire conversation that is met with a deep breath and a stumped silence. With an intentional gaze up to the sky, she decides –
“A couple of things. Knowing I’ve flown for a very long time and I’m good at flying. Knowing that regardless of what I’m doing on any day, I have to use my wings and I will always land on my feet (metaphorically). Also, just knowing how much time I’ve put into this career – actually, not even career. Screw career. The amount of time I’ve put into understanding and getting to know myself will always keep me above water instead of letting myself be drowned by doubt.”
Sam is very intentionally aware of how much of her art corresponds with how she presents herself. The inevitability of being perceived by strangers and collaborators does not go unacknowledged. However, despite her commitment to authenticity in all environments, there are still important parts of Sam that go widely unknown.
“One thing people don’t know about me is that I genuinely enjoy sharing the stage with others. As much as I do command and control a spotlight, I never feel like I have to dim my light to help others shine. Even on a small stage, when I’m having a conversation with someone and I’m making them feel like a million bucks because I’m being – wait, who’s that chick that danced for a nickel?” (Shirley Temple?) “Yes! Shirley Temple! I’m being full Shirley Temple, but I still want you to dance in the alphabet soup with me. And that doesn’t mean in unison or to the beat of my drum, but still together.”
As Sam’s best friend, I can authenticate this declaration. Sam’s glow is cast so widely that it shines on anyone and everyone. She locates the light in someone else and turns the brightness up to 100%. She reminds me who I am. She shows up to my work and brings me a snack. She calls me to tell me that she’s proud of me for something I did two weeks ago. It’s rare to see a star use its own shimmer to illuminate others. One would expect it to be an act, but Sam has her own ways of keeping it all authentic.
“This is gonna sound so silly, but I’m at my most grounded and authentic self when I am working and giving everything I’ve got. I’ve spent over ten years putting this all together, and yes, it’s a performance and a show, but damn, what a show! That’s authenticity right there. But on the other side of it, I could also argue that I’m my most authentic self when I’m not speaking to a single person and I’m allowing myself the space to relax. A lot of people see me as this big checklist: Diabetic, trans, photographer; there’s so many things that go into it, but when I’m just at home in my robe, just putting on a facemask or talking to myself, that’s me.”
It’s clear that Sam has no problem putting all of herself on display. Whether it be her unparalleled instagram posts or her hilarious Tik Toks, when Sam K puts herself out there, the people eat it up. But when it comes to parts of her life she wishes were more center stage, Sam does not hesitate. After graduating from Parsons School of Design in New York, Sam published a profound and deeply intimate book, Yes No Thank You Goodbye, documenting her experiences caring for her mother who lives with early-onset Alzheimer’s. Through powerful and emotional photographs, Sam uses her art to shine a light on her experience with active and living grief. All proceeds from the book are donated to UsAgainstAlzheimer’s.
“Now that the book has been published and posted, people might think it’s done and in the past. A lot of people think my mom is dead because they see the word grief and make that conclusion; that’s really funny because the chick's still alive and kicking. I wish people had the guts to ask me about that, because I love talking about it and I want to talk about it more. That’s also when I’m my most authentic self, sharing a part of my life that never really saw the light of day until I made the book. It’s a trauma response, it’s a grief project, it’s everything in one. I’m very deliberate, and especially with that book, I put my whole heart into it. I wish people would ask me more about its backstory, but then I am reminded of when someone gets upset when people don’t wish them a happy birthday. If I want people to ask me about my book, I need to PR it. I really think it’s 50/50 of give and take as an artist; you’re in control of what you let the people know. You’re not in control of how they respond or what questions they ask, but it’s your job to invite them to raise their hands.”
On the other side of that, there is an easy answer to what she wishes people would shut up about.
“When it comes to type 1 diabetes, people like to point fingers. They put blame on the diabetic, they think having diabetes is a result of active choices. When I tell people I’m type 1 or I whip out my needles to give myself a shot, people just make assumptions. Especially nowadays, a lot of people ask me if I’m giving myself estrogen and I’m like, ‘no, I just want to eat, babe’. I can’t imagine a child in this day and age trying to explain what it is to their friends. I remember being eight years old in the hospital, I just thought to myself, ‘fuck, I have to explain this to everybody, this fucking blows.’ Even at restaurants, I’ve had waitresses ask me if I was taking crazy drugs, and I would be like, ‘I’m nine’. I just wish people would be more direct about diabetes. I didn’t do anything to get this. I just woke up one day and my body was different. I wish people knew that I care a lot more than they think. And you know what? For a long time, it was just, ‘that sucks’. For a long time, I normalized feeling like I was just going to be stuck feeling different. But now, for the first time, I’ve given myself permission to feel all of my emotions at once. For the first time, right now, me and my body are in sync.”
I really admire Sam for her openness and desire to educate others on the parts of her life that she alone can give insight into, her willingness to discuss the unique boxes that she checks, and the beautiful and genuine way she showcases the parts of her identity that are not usually discussed on most scales. So many people of all identities are lucky enough to have Sam K to look up to. I don’t even finish posing the idea of younger Sam seeing what she has grown up to be –
“ – She would shit her pants. She would lose her fucking mind.”
And if she could give her anything?
“When I was in kindergarten, I had a Powerpuff Girls backpack. It rocked. One day, the school called my mom. They were upset about the backpack, they said it was confusing and distracting to the other kids, and they said it would be best if she got me a new backpack. And you know what my mom said? ‘Fuck off.’ To this day, I think about how that strong reinforcement planted a seed inside of me. That seed has been watered and flourished into this belief that I’m gonna do me no matter what. I kept it going, I ran holes through that backpack. I did have some guilt and shame when I looked at it sometimes, but it shaped me. On a physical level, I would give that backpack to myself again.
“On the other side of it, being the visual person that I am, I don’t know if I would say a single thing to Little Sam. I would just show her photos. I would show up in leather pants with a Skims bodysuit (gifted), covered in jewelry. I’d show her who she’s going to be – or who she already is. And what’s coming. Because she knows what to do. She has an idea of what’s possible, and to her, it fits into an 8x8 UPS box. But the world’s a lot bigger than that. She’ll see.”
You can find Sam on Instagram and Tik Tok at @SaaaaamK and you can order Yes No Thank You Goodbye on Amazon.